being uncomfortable

I had a music meeting today. I am not good in meetings. I can never remember anyone's name. Even people that I know really well....I look at them and I blank out on questions that I know. like, "who did you write that with?"  crickets. nothing.oh I am good at laughing  it off...even making it seem cute that I can't remember...but WHY? I have no idea. I am nearly paralyzed by wondering if they are gonna like the songs I guess. It totally sucks. Imagine this. I (and when I say "I" I mean me and my peeps) have worked REALLY hard on this album. I have cried tears and fought for things and felt bad and fought through it. I have put so much love into it. so Im sitting there. WAITING on a RESPONSE. and I do know the response I am looking for. so the expectation is really sky high. but that is just me.  The first verse comes. then the chorus. was that a head bob? tapping of the foot? are you serious?  he is closing his eyes and really getting INTO this! WOW ..... I breathe. relaxing one notch...but sure I can't just let go and relax and listen too. no. that's when they go in for the kill. That is when it will hut the most when you are totally vulnerable. letting the soft underbelly shine for all the world to see. So I keep up my guard. Oh I smile. I LOOK LIKE I am totally cool and like it is no big deal. but underneath my blood is rushing. my pits are sweaty and there is a desperate taste in my mouth. I hate this. I am uncomfortable. Song number two begins. It is one of my favorites. which makes it even scarier. what if he doesn't get it? I mean THIS song is the one I am thinking is gonna be THE ONE that will really set this whole thing off.  he tells me he has always loved my voice.  I exhale.  I get a "man, Killer!" and a for sure head bob. ok, this  is more like it. ok....I think I am gonna  live. uncomfortable.  I hate this feeling.
But this is what I do. I expose my heart and soul through melody and lyrics.  This is not the way I like to do it. sitting in a room. What I love to do is PLAY.  Now THAT I am comfortable with.  I guess because I can get lost in what I am doing...not what someone else is doing  while they are listening.  the bummer is that I will have this uncomfortable feeling again and again.  and again. It wont hurt any less. and it wont be any less uncomfortable. The high wont be longer when the news is good. no the highs are short and sweet. but this is what I do.  I am good at it.  But it is uncomfortable. so uncomfortable. and I will replay the whole thing over and over until I can put into words how the meeting went.  until next time :) amyd

sparkle & spackle/grated thumbs and cheesy smiles

So the photo shoot went very well :) I had a great team of people working with me.  Alyssa Kennedy helped me choose clothes that looked good on me. She pulled it all together the day of the shoot with cool accessories :) Robin Geary did my hair and Makeup. she is awesome! I call them my sparkle and spackle team :)
 Glen Rose was the photographer.  I really really like him. He is very cool and laid back. never in a hurry. sometimes on shoot the photographer is hurrying the H &M girl...so that makes everybody anxious. but it never felt like that.
ok so great team? check.  operation starvation/workout maximum? check
should be a piece of cake right? NO. Oh My gosh!!! I hate having my picture taken! I really do! AWKWARD!!! I was def not in my element. In retrospect, I wish I had been a little more relaxed or more animated or had a little more energy....but the truth is I was kind of scared to death.  on the other hand....we got great pictures so I guess it doesn't matter. ha
 what a silly thing! One of my pet peeves is when people put their face on the album cover. I know, I know...You need to. but it seems so country cliche. but I will prob have my big face right there on the cover of this one..hahha

I don't think you could see my chicken burn. so that's good.  I also woke up with a scratch down my arm. I have no idea how it got there. weird. Then I was grating lettuce the other day and grated my thumb. right on the knuckle. OUCH. it hurts so stinkin bad! I am so clutsty!!!

I will check in with more later :)  oh here is one of the pics in my "not my most favorite, but it's ok" stack :)

zumba, girl tools and chicken burns

Well there are two days till my photoshoot for the album cover. MAN! I hope I have done enough. I know I have worked REALLY hard as far as the workouts go. I did two today.  Have you ever tried Zumba? it is fun and hard and silly and it makes my stomach so sore! I take it at the dance studio. I like to laugh at myself :))

Madeleine got accepted to The School of  Nashville Ballet's Summer intensive program. wowzer! She also auditioned for The Dance Theater of Tennessee. She takes two clasess there a week now and loves it. Haven't heard if she made that program or not, but she had so much fun at the audition. It is fun to see the lightbulb go on in your kids.  To see them really click into something that they love! I am so excited for her. This year is gonna be the tipping point for her as far as dance goes. I can just tell. She is on the cusp of breaking through.
Jackson just started sleeping in his big boy bed. The first night he got out and walked down the hall and sat at the kitchen counter and said. "mom? where'd you go?" hahaha so funny!

On a totally different subject, there is a song that I love on my album. Jack and I wrote it with someone. The ENTIRE time we wrote it the person was on the phone. Texting. Distracted. uninterested. acted as though we were beneath her. well as it turns out, I loved the song and was dying to sing it. We never demo'd it. we just recorded it straight from the worktape for the album. It turned out so sparkley and beautiful to me. I still love to sing it. I love the words. the meaning. the feel. I sent a copy to the girl (never really told her we had recorded it. haven't talked to her since the day)  do you know that she did not respond at ALL? nothing! not one word! don't you think that is weird?? oh and i KNOW she heard it or at least received it because her people emailed me wanting details from the album. UGH! the GALL!! am I wrong to feel like that is  totally crappy??? I mean I really do not care about her opinion of the music or my singing....BUT come on...the nice southern girl thing to do is to say" thanks for cutting our song" Even if she hates it, she got it demo'd for free.  what a tool. (can girls be tools? she is....)

ok I feel better now. dang I am hungry. Today I rotisseried (I have no idea how to spell rotisserie)  a chicken and it smelled so good! I had to have one bite...but when I was getting it out of the oven thingy the chicken landed on my hand and now there is a big burn there.  Probably because my hands were shaking because I was hungry! hahaha . so when you see my burned hand in my album art, you heard it here first. chicken burn!
(I hope you know I am totally exaggerating the eating thing. I AM eating. just not very much. torturous for me because I REALLY like food. I like to cook it. I love to grocery shop. I love to plan meals. I love to think about it and watch it on tv. I really like to make something wonderful and savor the first bite. I love it when my family likes something that I make. ah man I'm hungry! haha)

I will check back and be posting pics from my shoot. It is going to be in a downtown Nashville highrise. I am excited.  I want a cool cover. this music needs cool....

 :) amyd

hiking, opinions and hunger

Wow! I can't believe it has been 2 weeks since I blogged. bad me! I have had so much going on!!! Lot's of fun things :) Last week was spring break for the big kid...which means we all get a break! YAY!!! We didnt do a lot except hang out together. it was nice! took a couple really good hikes in the woods. luckily both my kids really like that, because Jack and I love it! well...I should say Jackson LOVES it. Madeleine only likes it....she doesn't like bugs near as much as he does and she is hyper paranoid that she sees them, which is super funny for the rest of us! haha She loves to make people laugh!!!

The album is ...I dont know...I think it's awesome! haha Can I say that? I mean, I love it. really. I did an interview on Sunday with an internet radio station (you can hear it on Saturday March 26th at 10 pm central/ www.musictogoUSA.com)  and the guy asked me what Genre I thought the music fell into because" it isn't really country and it isn't really crossover". I guess that is a little true. in defense of that I will say that my VOICE is very country. (I will never, nor have I ever, tried to escape my east Tennessee accent. ) and I am SINGING ABOUT country things, topics, situations....BUT I do not have a lot of hoe down instruments on either album (It's Time and the new one...which reminds me, what in the heck am I gonna call this thing!?!?!?! ) But I dont think there is anything wrong with that. I mean, there is a little mando here or there. some banjo on a couple songs... does that make it not country enough? too country? does anyone care really? one thing I did do was stay really true to who I am. What I wanted it to sound like. I HOPE people will get on board and say," hey I like that, I think I am gonna drive around with the windows down blastin some amyd!"  but I guess if it falls into some weird spot?? I have never thought that...maybe that guy was just a big doodoo head for actin like it was "odd" in the first place. I love it. so I will just drive around singing it loud to myself I guess....haha now THAT is funny.

Charlie Sheen: I know a guy like that. I mean THAT narcissistic. THAT full of himself. THAT druggy. I am serious.
I love the sunshine. I really do. It makes me feel so much better.
 I had a good meeting today. I have two more this week. cross your fingers for me. I need a job. My middle schooler needs a better school. Mama got to come off the wallet fo dat one!!! YIKES!!!
photoshoot VERY soon! i am hungry. just flat out hungry. and sore. my muscles hurt so bad it feels like I've been ran over. I sure hope I look good. pictures last forever! HA
love, amyd

testing

I am trying to add this directly to my facebook page, but it won't let me. poop.

Scary, neurosis, kale, superfan :)

At this very minute there is a guy listening to four of the songs from my album.  A music  biz dude.  Isn't that scary?  It really freakin is. I mean, please, that isn't a first for me...but it IS for this record. I have such high hopes for it. I love it so. I took such great care of it while it was being made....now I am beginning to cut the strings. SCARY!!! I hope he likes it. but if I have learned anything it is that it is all unpredictable...and even the things you are SURE of, aren't really that secure. SCARY. but GOOD :)

I just took Zumba and tried not to think about it.  The other artists this guy reps are VERY different than me. which is good I guess, right? but then again..no... see? I have no idea. the neurosis of me is insane.

I drive me crazy. I drive the hubs crazy. but Dang...he is so awesome. He is my biggest cheerleader. he brings me back to earth and reminds me of what's important when I get too whacked out. Today tho...he said the funniest thing.... in a totally joking way.... "I can't be your only superfan" hahahaha   I busted out laughing of course and realized that I was being too dramatic, worrying too much, fretting too much listening to final mixes.... KOOKOO!!! but that is me.

one funny story... ME~ to Jack :   "I was thinking of making sauteed Kale to go with the BBq pork sandwiches. I can't remember, do you like Kale?"
Jack ~  "What the Kale?" which led to, "Kale No" which turned into  "get the Kale outta here" over a fit of giggles.  hahaha

sheen, crabs, schools, rants

ok. Charlie Sheen is a great source of tension release! I know I know...It is going to end badly. BUT in the meantime hasn't it been fun to just say #WINNING! ??? I think so. Looking at his deranged life is better than TV. and yes, I feel sorry for his kids. I really do. hopefully the moms will do the right thing and keep them away, but in the meantime.... Sheen ON!  haha

I am so bummed! here in Nashville they have offered Open Enrollment to a few schools, which means that even if you aren't zoned for that school, if you get your app in soon enough your kid can go there. We actually do that already, but they also opened 6 new magnet  schools (with the 12 million dollar grant we received) . First let me say that I LOATHE middle school. The peer pressure to do what everybody else is doing, The ugliness of girls at this age is outrageous! I HATE it! Madeleine makes really good grades. (mostly A's, has good work ethic, really cares about doing good) so I thought WOW a magnet school geared toward Math and Science and Hands on Learning....that sounds great! and I actually filled out the application online. THEN I kept looking up the schools. found a Youtube video from one of the schools.  Found out that the two schools that promised the most and sounded the BEST for learning are located right in the middle of the projects. Worst part of town in all of Nashville.  Why would they do that?
I mean,am I wrong here? it stands to reason to me that if you REALLY want children to excel and be the leaders of our country in Science, Technology, Engineering and Math (STEM magnet schools) you don't put those schools in places where violence and drug behavior are all those kids see! A place where parental involvement is close to nothing. It so pisses me off.  please know that this is not a racial thing. Madeleine's school now is mostly white and Im sorry,  but mostly white trash.  The parents don't care. The teachers have to work the hardest for the ones who are the most behind. so the smarties are left swimming on their own. The schools here really really stink. Yes, We should move to Franklin. yes, we should pay for private school.  I hope I sell a lot of records so we can.  ok, enough of THAT rant!~

I have heard a few more mixes for the album :) YAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAYYYY!!!! I am so happy with it! I Cannot wait for you to hear :))

I have a couple shows coming up :   on April 1 I will be playing a wondwriter round in Lebanon in Tn. It is a benefit for Habitat for Humanity. I love this organization! I helped build a house for them one time!! It was fun and felt really good to help! The show will be at Journey Church in Lebanon. Mssg me for more details!! Come!  20 bucks get you a GREAT meal and show!!!

Then, wait for it....Memorial day weekend... oh...yeah..... BLUE CRAB FESTIVAL time!!! Jack and I will play and acoustic show on Friday night and the whole band will join us on Saturday afternoon! Palatka, FLORIDA (my favorite state )   SO fun!!!

more later! amyd