rock and roll anyway

I miss the hubs.  he makes me laugh when I have a sucky day, like I did today. It started off ok.  Took Madeleine to school, everyone woke up happy. i did one of the hardest workouts EVER. (Jillian Michaels). It hurt so bad....4 times I said out loud..."I really can't so this!" I am telling you I am a freak with the workouts. haha now not only am I trying to do more than jillian and her girls, but I am talking to the tv as if I am there with them...could be losing it people! haha oh well!!!   so after I did that and nearly puked... I got ready to go write.

I do not know what is wrong with me but  cannot write a song these days. It breaks my heart and pisses me off so bad. I think I am just really really stressed about a lot of things. I can't seem to shake it. Im so bummed! I tried to write today with this sweet, funny girl. I had nothing. she probably thinks I am an idiot. oh well. today I was. ha!  that is the crazy thing about songs though....they really do have a time and a mind of there own.
 Most of the time when there is a block it is because I am in the way. over thinking, trying too hard. not hard enough. being distracted.  I think my problem right now is that I haven't done it enough lately. I have been spending my time trying to get more gigs, trying to get a new pub deal (how ironic!) and it's kind of like once you get out of the habit of spitting stuff out as soon as you think of it your self editor sits in the room beside you. I hate the editor. she is so all knowing. pompous. she doesn't know what is gonna sound good or not.   so why do I listen to her? usually I don't. but it is a practice of confidence. It is not EASY to sit down with a stranger (mostly) and share your thoughts or feelings. Have you ever tried to sing a new idea out loud while you are thinking of it? scary.  I mean crap, I am good singer, but until the melody is nailed down, it is gonna sound goofy. i KNOW this because I have been doing this forever. and mostly I never think about it. but today I was really self conscious of every word and sound that I made. I blame the editor. I hate her. she annoys me. and she definately sunk the ship today.

the hubs would make me feel better about it. He is on the Conan show w Jason Aldean  tonight if you wanna check it out :)  ...a better day tomorrow is comin Im sure of it :)   till then

I cannot begin to tell you how sore my body is! Last night Jackson got up in the middle of the night coughing so I went to get him some water and my shoulders were so sore I could barely lift the glass!! that is so terrible! I feel like I am kicking so serious butt though. I have discovered a few things about me though. 1) I am very competitive....(which I knew...but not in an exersize context...) like I try to do the moves BETTER than the girl on the tv.  why? I do not know...something just clicks in my mind and I have to DO it! 2) I am a lot more self motivated than I thought I was. I am very glad about this discovery. I have always be very active and done SOMETHING. but last year, I just really slacked off....because I didnt have time. no, really. There were not enough hours in the day for me to work out AND shower (then go to work and do all the other stuff I had to do) so I think I got used to saying I dont have time, I think it started sounding fake even to me. but the truth is I really didnt have time. haha So I am relieved to know that NOW I will drag my butt in front of the tv , find the channel and rock it! WAHOO! let's hear if for endorphin high!!!!
Today after my regular workout Jackson and I went outside to play. He wanted to go to the baseball field to run the bases. well, I ended up running the bases while he cheered for me to run faster from  the dugout! I am telling you he is my trainer! haha so cute.

I think you are going to like my album. I hope so! The songs are sounding so good :) I love it. i hope it lands somewhere  fantastic. somewhere  exciting. I want the hype. the love. the wish. the spark.   I am gonna hold out till it feels right. We have worked really hard on it. It deserves to be heard. pardon my pride. excuse my self promotion.  accept my offering of painstakingly passionate work where every note has been labored over, yet freely flowed till it felt perfect at the time. until it felt effortless, intentional. I hope you love it and talk about it and play it for your friends and share it because you are excited to hear something fresh yet familiar.  i hope I hope i hope.

funny story :  today Jackson was singing "Birdie Birdie birdie OHHHHH" ya know like Justin Beiber's "Baby Baby Baby Oh"..... hahaha  enough with the BIRD!!! ha

closer and closer

ok! I have heard song number 2! YIPEEE!!! I may HAVE to give you a sneaky peak of this one. I will not be able to control myself!!! I LOVE love love LOVE it! ok, good that is out of my system.

I met with photographer #1 today :) I took pictures of what I like and dont like and I think we have a good idea of what the photoshoot will be like! I am getting excited about it. Like I said before I am not a fashionista, BUT I have to admit that I liked buying magazines this week and looking at what I like and dont like. down to make up and hair, clothes, shoes. It is kind of fun :))

random~ if you like The show Top Chef (Which I LOVE) then you should check out please pack your Knives And Go blog. SO funny.

Random #2 (yes, get ready it is another Jackson story)  I took him to Chic Filet yesterday. there were two other older boys (4yrs) in the play area. well, Jackson, being only 2 thought this was AWESOME!!! He was laughing SO hard he could hardly walk....(I dont know why he was laughing, they were just running and laughing and being boys. ) Then out of the blue Jackson YELLED, "I love my birdie!" and literally fell over laughing. let me explain...he calls his....thing....a bird. HA so he thought he was really gonna make those older boys laugh so hard if he said the word BIRD! HAHAH of course they had no idea what he was talking about, but they did laugh because he said it in a funny way, and he was hysterically laughing. LOL His little personality kills me. I mean, haven't we all done that? gone for the shock factor to make people laugh? hahha I love it!

more later...nobody say "bird" hahahaha
amyd

S's and other randomness

yeah..I love things that start with the letter S. Sun, Sand, Salt, salsa, strawberries, sushi....just to name a few. I know that is random, but it is so true...and a little weird. What is your "letter" ? think about it.

House parties are fun. Have you ever had one? or been to one? It is all the new rage. you find a musician you like, contact them, then they come to your house to play some of their tunes, eat your food and talk to all your friends. sounds weird and out there right? i know, but it is happening all over. I actually like to play house parties! It is very grassroots, but I guarantee that people walk away from those with a better appreciation for the artist playing at them. It is a great way to support indy artists like myself. plus I am a lot of fun...haha anyway. think about it.

I have a meeting with the photographer on Friday. any thought on what the album cover should look like?  any thoughts on what I should call this album? I am really not sure. But I would like to hear what you think ! so lemme know!

another random thought: Yesterday Jackson and Jack and I were walking on the Greenway by our house. And Jackson said, "You can watch movies on your ipod everyday" totally out of the blue~! bwahahaha! WHY did he say this? I have no idea. then he just kept walking like it was no big deal. He is so funny!
maore later :)) thanks for your input!
amyd

I am so excited! I heard mix number one of song number one for album number 2~  YAY!! i am loving it! It sounds so ....BIG! YAY .   The song is  called "Comin out of the Pain"  I cannot wait to get another one finished!! It is so weird because usually it all happens so fast.  The mixes get turned around really quickly, but it seems like the making of this album is taking forever! BUT what is weird is that I don't feel impatient about it. I feel good about it. I am enjoying the process. I am really proud of the work and the heart that  went into it...that is going into it. I don't know where it will land, but I have found my dreams again. and I love that.  I love dreaming of what could be. of what might happen. of possibilities.
dream with me. it works better en mass. :))

thanks guys! more later!!

close to death and back

Ok, so maybe "close to death and back" is a little dramatic, but then again... I had a stomach virus from hell. I am not kidding. First I had the snot flu (cold, achy, headache, sore throat, fever....) THEN jack went out for the weekend (a show that I was supposed to go to and couldn't because of the snot flu) and came home and said that over 40 people in the band and crew were sick! (He was sick too, which he is NEVER sick)  The next night, I knew. I was gonna hurl!  o my gosh it was the most awful feeling. Then my daughter got it the next morning. I had planned on Jackson staying away at my moms house, but she called tuesday evening and said he was sick too. SO pitiful!!! anyway...I cant believe I just spent an entire paragraph grossing everybody out with my puke stories. enough!
We are better now. whew. That should be out quota for the year!!! YAY

on a totally different realm: I heard that one of my songs for my new album is mixed and sounds amazing! BUT I haven't actually heard it myself yet. (doesn't seem fair, or right and I WILL talk to somebody about that! ha do they not know I do not like to be last? ha)  Hey I am just glad it is being worked on. and embraced! I swear it has been so long since I sang those dang songs I forgot what they sound like! What a happy surprise I will get (HOPEFULLY) .
I am just excited for you to get it and let me know what you think of it!  I love love love the songs. there are some funny ones and some heart breakers. It has a different feel than , "It's Time" but I think that is because I feel different now too.
well I hear my lil man waking from his nap. on to more sword fighting, basketball shooting, wrestling...and tomorrow it's hanging out with Madeleine at  dance competition and a BIG  Ballet (Cinderella)  audition. wish her luck. new place and all....I think she feels out of place. but dang she works hard!!! I love that girl :)))
Thanks for listening Seattle! oh wait...that was weird. I watched "Frazier" as I was falling asleep last night...sorry!
more later :))
Amyd

Wow! What a busy busy week this has been! On Feb 1 my sister had a brand new baby boy. oh he is the softest, sweetest thing! He smells so heavenly !!! Mama and baby are good. I don't envy her with an 18 month old and a newborn!!! But she handles it really well :)
THEN I threw the hubs a surprise bday party!! It was fun and made me totally anxious! I realized that I am a horrible sneaker/liar! HAHA so I avoided letting him in on the surprise by barely speaking to him in the days prior! He was on the road so when he would call we would chat for a minute then I would put jackson or mad on the phone so he wouldn't catch on! and i never once mentioned his birthday...which obviously was  a dead giveaway...BUT the party was great, we yelled surprise and most of our favorite friends were standing in our kitchen eating bbq and cake laughing about stupid stuff. It was worth all the sneaking, but i was so relieved when it was over!!
The next major event for the first week of feb was that my whole family (with the exception of Jackson so far) got the crud....a cold...the flu....some kind of wretchedness that I never want again. It literally took us down! So I have not felt like writing or thinking about writing the blog. BUT the good news is that I am feeling much much better today. gonna do a strength yoga today. It will prob kick my booty, but hey, that's the point, right?
I am getting closer and closer to a photoshoot. Why do i hate them so? for 1, it seems obnoxious and totally self absorbed. I KNOW it is necessary. You need it for an album. but dang!!! I am just not the fashion forward, girlie  fashionista that you are supposed to be for that I guess. I don't like to look at magazines. I usually dont care what people wear. I mean, I LIKE to look good, but I dont sweat it. and I like it best when people tell me what looks good and that is what I wear. on the other hand, I like unconventional things. I don't like to look like everybody else.  reason #2 for  hating photosessions: It is scary as hell. Hell people!!!! These pics will be around for a long time. So your inner dialogue is  "is my arm fat?  what about my butt? suck it in!! dont do that thing with your lip! you know nobody wants to see all your gums when you smile!" all the while trying to look cool. yeah, HELL! haha but on the other hand. I will have someone help me with my "Style" and I will have someone doing my hair and makeup and telling me when to suck in my gut, haha. We are also talking to a fab photographer that I am really excited about!!! so I need to tell my inner darling to shut it! so there! SHUT IT!
The album is going to be so sparkly and fantastic. I am trying not to think about it so much. The guy who is mixing got sidetracked by working on Don Henly's album. yeah, that Don Henly. (Is that how you spell it? Heneley? Henely?) Anyway. when it is finished it will be a fine fine day !!!
that's it for now. gotta go tighten the arms and butt  for well...you know....

love, amyd