rock and roll anyway

I miss the hubs.  he makes me laugh when I have a sucky day, like I did today. It started off ok.  Took Madeleine to school, everyone woke up happy. i did one of the hardest workouts EVER. (Jillian Michaels). It hurt so bad....4 times I said out loud..."I really can't so this!" I am telling you I am a freak with the workouts. haha now not only am I trying to do more than jillian and her girls, but I am talking to the tv as if I am there with them...could be losing it people! haha oh well!!!   so after I did that and nearly puked... I got ready to go write.

I do not know what is wrong with me but  cannot write a song these days. It breaks my heart and pisses me off so bad. I think I am just really really stressed about a lot of things. I can't seem to shake it. Im so bummed! I tried to write today with this sweet, funny girl. I had nothing. she probably thinks I am an idiot. oh well. today I was. ha!  that is the crazy thing about songs though....they really do have a time and a mind of there own.
 Most of the time when there is a block it is because I am in the way. over thinking, trying too hard. not hard enough. being distracted.  I think my problem right now is that I haven't done it enough lately. I have been spending my time trying to get more gigs, trying to get a new pub deal (how ironic!) and it's kind of like once you get out of the habit of spitting stuff out as soon as you think of it your self editor sits in the room beside you. I hate the editor. she is so all knowing. pompous. she doesn't know what is gonna sound good or not.   so why do I listen to her? usually I don't. but it is a practice of confidence. It is not EASY to sit down with a stranger (mostly) and share your thoughts or feelings. Have you ever tried to sing a new idea out loud while you are thinking of it? scary.  I mean crap, I am good singer, but until the melody is nailed down, it is gonna sound goofy. i KNOW this because I have been doing this forever. and mostly I never think about it. but today I was really self conscious of every word and sound that I made. I blame the editor. I hate her. she annoys me. and she definately sunk the ship today.

the hubs would make me feel better about it. He is on the Conan show w Jason Aldean  tonight if you wanna check it out :)  ...a better day tomorrow is comin Im sure of it :)   till then